Adventures in Mystery Shopping

So this morning a few weeks ago when I started writing this post, I had a mystery shop at a fast food chain for breakfast. It was only a few blocks from work, which surprised me with its presence, because I don’t ever go to it, even though it’s closer than the other two I do frequent.

Now I know why.

So, the deal is, I dine in. I get paid for the visit plus I get reimbursed for the food I order, although I may have to order within their guidelines or their specific menu item. Today, I had a choice of 3 different things. So, I’m going through my checklist and get my coffee and my food and go sit down.

Within a few seconds of sitting down, a bird flies into the window behind me. Then it just flies off in the other direction. This causes the man in the next booth over to strike up a conversation with me. (Well, that and the delicious way I’ve fixed my food up.)

He starts talking about the signs mentioned in the Bible [of the world coming to an end] and birds chasing cats and every bird-chasing-something-it-shouldn’t story he could think of. He talked my ear off for a while and finally, finally left.

But wait, there's more. (Cue Madison, her voice full of wonderment: "There's more?!?") [Kasey, you were 4 when that movie came out, I doubt you 've seen it.]

So as soon as this guy clears out, another guy who had been staring at me from across the restaurant came over. He was older and had this goofy serial-killer awkward-with-women thing going for him. He said he couldn't stop staring at me because I looked like a schoolteacher. He asked if I was married. It caught me off guard, so I answered honestly. No. He'd been looking for a big girl like me. (He explained he meant tall.) And invited me to his house, gave me the address and everything.

Ok, so here I am, freaking out. This guy is going on and on, nearly drooling over himself in his excitement. Somehow he goes back to his table and I get to finish my breakfast in peace. I still have to check over the restroom, so I quick get that over with. When I come out, he's not at his table. Instead he's standing up against the building right outside the door. I'm about ready to hit the panic button on my car remote since he's seen me and come over.

He wants to remind me I'm welcome at his house anytime, his door will always be unlocked for me. He was going to give me his address again, but I let him know I remembered it. It made him happy enough to not try and abduct me right then and there, so it must have been the right thing. He'd told me his name, and I guess I should have remembered it and given it to someone in case the police need it later.

I didn't leave a trail of burnt rubber on the parking lot, though I really, really wanted to. So of course, the first thing I did was call Lee and tell him about the whole ordeal. His response?

"I think this could be the sugar daddy we've been looking for. You may have to take one for the team, Jen."

Um, no. You can play gigolo for the cougars. I'm not about to be hacked to bits and stored in some man's mother's freezer.

It's been at least a month and my heart still races at the thought of it.