Yesterday morning, Lee came home at 4:30AM. (Some lame story about falling asleep on his friend’s couch waiting for somebody to do something. I swear the man’s narcoleptic!) I was in bed, peacefully asleep. I’d read blogs until 2. Then, Jasmyne woke me up at 3, crying because she couldn’t find her binky. So, at 4:30, I was really, really tired. (Uh, yeah, 2AM has been the norm since I discovered Google Reader.)
Ok, so he comes in, gets in bed behind me, puts his arm around me and rests his hand on my belly. He asks, “Are you pregnant?” Um, why on earth would you ask that? A thousand thoughts are racing through my mind. Does he think I’m late? – He keeps better track than I do. No, I’m not late. Is it all the “mood swings” I’ve been having? – Try not leaving me alone with the girls every evening, buddy! Is it because I’ve been complaining of more headaches recently? On and on.
“Do you feel something moving?” I ask. No. “Um, why do you ask?”
“Because I’ve been extra tired lately.” Is that all??? (He thinks we have this connection. As in, he could feel it both times I was pregnant with his children. He was hyper-aware of how I was feeling, even if we were both at work. Weird to me, but I actually believed him.)
“Have you tried getting a decent night’s sleep? Like, not on someone’s couch? As in, intentionally going to bed at a decent hour instead of staying out all night?”
“No, I guess I really didn’t think about that.”
WTF?
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Thank you for joining my group therapy! I hope you enjoy.
ReplyDeleteI was speed reading your posts. 30 bottles of liquor unopened??? Take away that man's visa card.
Oh... and congratulations maybe?
Maybe I forgot to mention I had my tubes tied with my second c-section. No more babies for me, thanks!
ReplyDeleteHilarious post. I can only imagine if my hubby thought he knew my body in any way LOL.
ReplyDeleteBut this is great news! He didn't feel a great big stomach, just a bond. Me? Umm, well, don't touch! I've got a permanent 6 month bulge.
ReplyDeleteHaha.
ReplyDeleteI have a bit of a pooch going on. It's from all the chocolate and diet coke that I consume to keep me alert throughout the day.
hahaha! too funny. great post! that question is like kryptonite here. i swear we are the only people in the world that do a little happy dance every month when i get my period!
ReplyDeleteWhat a connection! :)
ReplyDeleteI actually haven't been getting enough sleep lately. I woke up this morning at 5 for a spin class and I have a feeling I'm going to be dragging all.day.long.
Lol! My husband has the opposite problem. He sleeps TOO MUCH. He was complaining of a backache the other day and attributed it to being on his feet. I said, "Um, honey, you know, my back hurts too if I manage to SLEEP FOR 12 HOURS STRAIGHT".
ReplyDeleteOr at least, it did. I think I remember that.
That tendency to internalize a pregnant wife's symptoms is called "couvade."
ReplyDeleteI found it annoying.
Almost as annoying as I would find it if hubby wandered in at 4:30 am and asked me such a dumb question.
Next time, change the locks.
This is so funny. Now if my husband asked me that with his hand on my stomache, it would be because my stomache is 3 times larger than it was when we got married. And there is no baby in there....
ReplyDeleteHow funny! After five kids, I don't even let my husband touch my tummy-- if he did and asked a question like that, he'd get an elbow in the eye.
ReplyDelete