Do I Sleepwalk? Or Do I have Someone On the Side?

Last night, Lee was supposed to bring me a burger. We talked at 9, when he was leaving work. I fell asleep around 10:30 waiting for him to come home. At 12:15, I woke up and went looking for him in the living room. Not there. I looked at the dining room table. No fast food bag. Hmmm. So I started calling his cell. (I'm a stalker like that.) No answer. No answer. No answer. Finally, he answers. Yes, he was here. I was asleep, he left. Where's your sandwich? Oh, you were asleep, so I sat in the chair watching you sleep and I ate it. No, I didn't put the bag in the trash. I took it with me. Hmmm...fishy. I'm leaving here soon.

12:45 I still wasn't back to sleep. I called him back with more questions. Same answers, still not making sense. We don't like the same burgers, you see. 1:30 still awake. Lee's still not home. I give up.

4:30 My cell phone rings. Can you come unlock the deadbolt? Hmmm... If the deadbolt is locked, how were you here at 11? Did someone lose a piece of salmon? He's still adamant that he was here. And ate my burger. Whatever. This is not one of the battles I'm choosing.

7:15 Taylar: Daddy is that you? Is that you, Daddy? Great, now he's never gonna believe I don't have a guy on the side. It's an ongoing thing. He comes home and the door's unlocked “Your man leave and you forget to lock the door behind him?” I forget to boil eggs because I'm so mad at Big Sister for not being where she's supposed to be and I have to go driving around hunting for her “You have your man over and forgot to boil eggs?” I make plates for the babies and either put more or less than he thinks they eat (and he ends up being right, damn him) “Do you even feed the girls when I'm at work? Or does someone else do that?” Jerk.

Anyway, so either I sleepwalked and locked the deadbolt behind him, he locked it from the inside at 11 and climbed out a window, or I let my 'other man' out and bolted the door behind him. No way is it possible there was no burger and he really didn't come home because the door was double-locked by Alexa when she came in behind the babies at the beginning of the evening.

I still want my burger, though.